I am so full of shit sometimes!
No really (I know many of you have tried to point this out to me before...).
Below is a "draft" of a post that I wanted to post on Thursday before Easter weekend. It never got posted nor have I edited it for the purpose of this post. And I never followed with very much of what I said. To my credit - I did bring a dessert (low fat cheesecake) and I did make Sunday brunch with foods I normally would eat. And looking back on the weekend - it was not the MEALS that I was overindulging in...it was the evil temptation of candies and chocolates that did me in. I actually did quite well with meals and snacks (which I also brought for myself). It was the sheer volume of candies, chocolates, and chips I ate Saturday and Sunday that was painful.
(Note: It has dawned on me that I am guilty for my own demise because I bought most of the loot on behalf of the stupid Easter Bunny - which apparently I will not be doing next year!)
Sunday night I was feeling the lowest I have felt about myself in a long time. Disappointed in myself. Disgusted by my chocolate binge. And sick - literally.
But what is done is done. So after hitting rock bottom and feeling almost hungover from the drastic change in eating I willingly forced upon myself I decided the only way to deal with it was to a) recognize my choices and b) get over it. So Monday morning, I packed my lunch as usual and restocked my gym bag for my afternoon workout. And as I am writing this post - my guts feel much better and I feel empowered by the psychoanalysis I have done on myself.
I binge because I can. Or so I justify it in my mind. Temptation is right in front of me and given my active lifestyle and size - it is quite easy to justify treats. I also don't have much of an off-switch once I get started. Its like my body is craving a drug (sugar) and I have no concept of being full when consuming it. This is perhaps a result of limiting it within my daily diet - but honestly I don't have sugar cravings any more. Binges don't happen because I seek them out - they happen because I took one bite. Apparently I need to learn some self control.
I have always been comfortable with enjoying a cheat-meal and have never refused a night out or convenience meal because of my daily routine. I often times (guilt free!) enjoy a glass(es) of wine with a friend or a plate of wings at a post meeting gathering (with a beer!) or a cookie after a meal. But there is a clear difference between a treat, that was worth it and actually made me feel good, and a full on binge that starts with that simple treat and explodes into a series of over indulgent bad choices that leave me feeling disappointed and disgusted and SICK.
I am hopeful that I can do better on Easter Round 2 at my parents this upcoming weekend. There will be the same temptations and similar spread of meals - and all the same results if I do it all again. Reading my post below - I think I have good sensible ideas to help myself get through the weekend, I just need to listen to my own advice! Now I better get my recipes together and a shopping list so I can show up prepared!
Ill keep you posted on how it goes...not gonna lie - I'm not very confident in myself. This is my greatest weakness.
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Easter holiday weekend. Not unlike every other holiday weekend with family. Food, treats, candies, and drinks. And lots of it.
Ugghhh.
I won't deny that my mouth is watering as I browse recipes or see the millions of bags of chocolate at any store right now...but my gut is screaming at me too.
Why is it that we can do so well until a holiday? And why is it that people justify binges on the holidays? As an experiment - I am going to journal the "spread" of food at each meal (and throughout the day) for the duration of this holiday weekend and what I do actually eat.
I try so hard every day to eat sensibly and conscientiously and I just know my weakness is to pick and graze and binge when there is so much food in front of me. I, like many others, always feel sick to my stomach every single time and even worse I hate myself for it. Part of my personal goals is to over come this and learn to have a little more self-control.
Part of my plan to achieve this is to do the following:
- Bring a healthier snack that I would incorporate into my own day - and LIMIT my consumption of it.
- Bring a dessert that is clean and protein rich - something I would incorporate into my own day and LIMIT my consumption of it.
- Allow myself a handful of whatever candies are on the table - the quickly put a stick of gum in my mouth!
- Offer to bake a few other dishes if needed for the family meals.
- Bring some of my staples for the small meals throughout the day.
- Drink lots of water. (This WILL be very hard for me!)
- Journal what I eat (and don't eat)
Most importantly I am going to constantly remind myself of a few things:
- I do not have to EAT everything on the table or sample all the treats in order to have a great holiday with my family.
- Not eating or sampling everything does not mean I do not appreciate my family or the effort they went through to make their dishes or to provide ample selection.
- I have a goal and established way of eating that makes me feel good - over eating and eating the wrong things WILL make me feel sick.
- I do not have to justify my choices to anyone. How I eat and what I eat is my choice. For my health, for my lifestyle, for me.
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