Back to the Start

Day 22 of 30.  Im starting over.  Back to Day 1. 


Why?  Because - I did not commit the way I should have nor the way I originally intended.  I had nibbles, a fruit-binge day, and a wedding.  Sure - I did much better than before I ever started all this...but I wasn't 100%.  Fail. 


Part of my fascination with diet changes and program changes is the ability to commit.  It amazes me that I can have the best intentions...and still find a way to cheat.  Or that regardless of the plan that I have basically told everyone I am following - I can consciously choose to go against it as if there will be no consequences.  (PS - Feel free to call Bull Shit when you hear me talking about all this)  I think this is more of a social experiment and a battle of willpower vs instant gratification.  


So Im starting over.  I cannot fully measure the success of the food changes that are included in this plan if in fact I had a few nibbles, a few drinks, the occasional lick of the honey spoon, the bite of my kids bagel, or a few pieces of dessert after the wedding.  Each individual one adds up to a huge F A I L.


I learnt a lot in these 22 days.  


I learnt that sugar is one of the hardest things to detox from.  It is every where.  Every commercial.  Every magazine.  Every aisle at the grocery store.  Intentions or not - you are constantly faced with temptation.  


I learnt that I really can do without grains.  I actually want to completely cut them out as the plan intends and then re-introduce them in a specific and intentional meal (one at a time) to see what grains do to my body and how they actually make me feel.  


I learnt that there is a difference between good sugars and bad sugars.  Regardless - the plan was to cut it all out with the exception of a piece of fruit or two per day.  To say I only had 1-2 pieces with no lick, nibble, or bite of something else would be a lie.  So clearly I have not cut out sugar the way my plan challenged me to. 


I learnt that this plan has the potential for great success.  The changes that I have seen (even with the cheats) have been good.  And more days than not I have felt better than I have for a long time. 


I learnt that for the long term - my priorities are set.  I feel like I have the tools, resources, the knowledge and the willpower to eat different than I have for years...and I feel like I have the self control to have a piece of cookie or a sweet treat occasionally and as I choose or just not at all. But that is not the entire purpose of the 30 days.  The purpose is to do it with 100% compliance and then deal with the long term from there.  


But I am also results driven.  I seriously just want to see what the outcome will be if I am true to the plan.  To cheat or to allow exceptions just because is failure from the start.  As well I kind of feel like it is a complete disrespect to my trainer who has helped me put this together.  As well, all those cheats ruin the validity of the results the plan could have achieved.  


And more importantly - I have been fascinated with HOW food makes me feel.  The last 22 days I had a superficial insight in to how cutting out sugar can make me feel...but every single cheat nibble, lick, or bite really just ruined the actual understanding of how being sugar free would make me feel.  I really want to know how being sugar free, grain free, for 30 days actually feels.  


So Im starting over.  Nothing like being disappointed in yourself to give it a second try.  I find the challenge fun.  I marvel at the failures.  I laugh at the pathetic excuses I can come up with.  Im also sure this wont be the only time I re-start all this. (such confidence!)


So failed attempt #1 aside - I am super excited to retry but with knowledge of how and where I went wrong.    I am also very empowered, because cheats aside, I was super proud of myself and the strength of my willpower and self control at recent family gatherings including the wedding.  Anyone can do this....you just need to have more willpower and self control than the sugar bug on your shoulder.  That being said - there are more family events to come and a camping trip....Im already very worried about the struggle this will be and Im not going to lie - Im sure Ill end up restarting again because of them.  On the other hand - maybe not.  I shouldn't have this much self-doubt and lack of confidence going in to it - so I am hoping that my scheduled cheat meals and cheat day (as per my plan) will fit strategically in to these events.  And going in to them, I also have the power and knowledge I didn't have before which is the failure I am referring to in this post.  


It is only 30 days...and apparently much harder than I originally thought.  Yet at the same time the past 22 days flew by!  So 22 days from now - I hope I have proven to myself that second attempts are worth the effort. 


Round 2 started today.   So far so good.  It always is at first....